My favorite part of marriage is the comfort in knowing that my best friend is with me. Whether we’re on a trip, or out with friends, or at a big show, whatever. If things get a little chaotic — even in life, with huge changes in my job and his job the last year — I can just grab his hand and I feel calm. Every little adventure is a fun one, when we’re together.
I wish we could get married again. I mean, I’m definitely glad we don’t have to do the wedding again. Once is quite enough for all that stress. But I understand myself better than I did a year ago, and I understand him better too. We’ve been forced to be even more honest with each other, sometimes harsher, but more times, kinder, more empathetic. The world is a hostile place, and in the last year I feel like we’ve seen new levels of brutality, so it’s all the more comforting to know that I have Alan on my team. And, maybe this sounds cold or calculated, but since I started making serious bank, I’ve felt that our partnership is pretty much equal. I can finally carry more of the bills. I can pay for my own car repairs. I’m in control of my finances and my career. Becoming more in control of myself as a person and as a woman has allowed me to be a fuller, more complete person capable of being a more complete wife.
On the flip side, I got hit hard with depression during our first year. A lot of this was work related. Sometimes it was Alan related. But it’s also a nonsensical and illogical disorder that doesn’t always need a reason to exist. And Alan, who is a fixer, can’t always fix it. These have caused extremely stressful times. Fighting is the worst thing ever but we both accept that it’s necessary sometimes to see each other more clearly. Sometimes I’m super demanding, and sometimes Alan’s super aloof. Sometimes traveling is a real pain in the ass. Things aren’t always pleasant. Marriage is so much work! It’s the toughest work. But it’s a worthy struggle, and it’s more important than any other job. Knowing I’ve got the best dude at my side makes me incredibly lucky and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I want to keep learning from and teaching each other every day.
Happy Anniversary Alan! My Sun and Stars. I love you to the moon and back!